I have been swamped this week. The computer was deciding that it was boss and decided to take the week off. I on the other hand needed to have the week off because I have been in court hearings over the boys.
I will fill you in on everything when I have more than a second to write on my mom’s computer.
Love to all of you
Hula

Last night as I was relaxing for a few moments after Hula Boy went to bed,Hula Girl came out and said, “Mommy can I sit on your lap?” She is nine years old. She is getting to be long and lengthy. As she curled up in my lap she asked if I would sing to her. I pray that when she’s older that these moments she will remember and know that beyond a doubt that she was loved. I adored having her in my lap. I enjoyed singing a few of the songs I sung to her as a baby. She loved it too. When she got up she said, “I needed a little one on one time. Can we do this again tomorrow?” My heart screamed “YES!” I calmly answered, “I would love that.”

I am thankful that my prayers were heard and my arms are indeed full. My children cuddle and squish which is a blessing not only to them but to me. I am thankful that they are each their own individual being. I am grateful for the time that I do have with them.

I am grateful for the snow. Yes you heard me right…THE SNOW. Which of course came again last night. The 5 feet has been reduced down to hardly anything. I am gratful for it because hopefully this next year water restrictions will be less strict. Now granted I do understand they hve to conserve, but hopefully we can water more than two times a week. May be just one more time.

I am finishing up the Q & A questions posed the other day. I will have them posted tomorrow.

Update on the kiddos:

I went to the hospital on Friday. The baby is still in and still recovering from RSV. It was indeed serious and they think he might be in for a few more days at least. All of the other boys have been sent to their placement foster homes. The social worker called me also on Friday to get a run down on what I saw. I guess they were all in just an emergency temporary under 72 hour home until it was determined whether this would be long term or not. It has been officially decided that it will be long term. They were placed with a “permanent” social worker I guess for long term foster care.
My heart still aches. I still wonder if being split apart is better than with what they had at home. I have to rest in the knowledge that it has to be.
Because of these circumstances I have decided to try to write every day two things in my life that I am grateful for. This has certainly taught me a lot.

What I a grateful for: I am grateful of course for my husband and children. I know that on occasion they drive me up a wall BUT they are my life source. They each make me want to be a better person.
I am grateful that I was raised in a loving home. My parents loved me beyond measure. I am sad that it took me until I became a mother to recognize this, but none the less I did see it and feel its presents in my daily life.
I am grateful that I was there Wed. night. I am grateful that I was used in a way that I did not know I had the strength to do.

**DISCLAIMER: I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THE LAST POST BUT I HAVE DECIDED THAT THIS SUBJECT CAN NOT WAIT.

Last night seemed like any other Wednesday night. I dropped the kids off at AWANA and went to go get a cup of coffee at Starb*cks. As I was sitting there chatting with Mamacita about the lovely dirty geodes she had sent the children I stopped mid sentence and noticed two spaces away a van load of children with no adult supervision. I saw them flinging themselves over seats and then one dared to open the van sliding door. The toddler popped out of the seat and on to the ground. Thankfully the car alarm went off. Suddenly, a small woman came angrily out of the door. She was yelling at the toddler to get back in and screaming at the older child. I sat and watched in horror as she raised her hand and struck him several times in the face. I abruptly told Mamacita that I could not believe what I was seeing. I think my words to her were, “OH NO SHE DIDN’T!! I’VE GOT TO GO!” I can not explain what I was feeling.
As a mother I definitely recognize a mother on the edge. With 5 boys in the car I can only imagine that a little peace was in order. I approached her hoping to diffuse the situation and asked if I could help. She looked at me with her icy blue eyes and started complaining, ranting and cussing that her children were horrible and all she wanted was a little peace and all she needed was a cup of coffee. I asked if she needed a minute away. She told me to mind my own business. Then she stopped and pondered my question. Her exact words after that were, “Let’s see if you’re worth the money I’ll pay you…NOTHING!” and with a sneer she walked back into the Starb**ks. Stunned and somewhat like a deer in the headlights I took a moment to compose myself. I then got into the car where I observe the most adorable 5 little boys.
The oldest was 11. His face was red from his mother’s slaps. He was embarrassed that I witnessed the altercation with his mother. I assured him that it was OK. I was there to help. The 6 month old baby through wheezing coughs yelled for my attention. I took him out of his car seat and saw that he was dressed in a onesie. The weather was below freezing outside. The two year old was a piece of work. He had the same ornery look HB gets on a daily basis. When he realized he had my attention he started clowning around. The 5 year old told me how old he was. He said he was 6. His brothers corrected him. This started a milling and a wrestling match that I quickly put a stop to. I felt a little closed in with 5 boys in a mini van. The energy from that group could have powered Denver! The 9 year old was particular and exact. He has his ducks in row. He was the exacter of the group. Yes, new word…exacter. It is a child that sees things only in black and white. Everything has to have sense and order. As I marveled at this little cluster of children reality struck me. I was a stranger, in the car with 5 children. This woman left me in charge of her 5 children and was sitting in the coffee shop sipping on coffee reading the paper. I immediately had to swallow my anger. How did she know I was not a weirdo. Did she need a break so bad that she relinquished her children to someone that stepped in? How dare she. My heart ached for these children as they told me story after story and bounced from seat to seat. The 6 month old rested in contentment and watched the excitement even though he was wheezing. A few minutes before his mother came back he said, “Thank you for coming and stopping her. She puts me in charge all of the time. I am always responsible for all of these kids.” Then I got angry. Here was this 11 year old boy taking more responsibility than his mother.
While she was inside I used a crayon from the floor. I saw a piece of mail stuffed between the seats. I asked the 11 year old if that was where he lived. He said yes. I copied down her address. I didn’t know what I was going to do with it, but something told me I would need it.
Thirty minutes later a calmer mother on caffeine walked out of the shop. She opened the door. I froze. I got out, put the baby back in the car seat and said goodbye. She cussed at me that I was a do gooder and that she was going to feel no guilt for taking advantage of me.
I explained that if it meant that she was calmer then I didn’t care. She quickly jumped in, yelled at the children to get buckled up and off they went.
As they were leaving I saw her raise her hand to the 11 year old. That was IT! I had had it. I have never ever reported anyone. She had told me to mind my own business. BS. I had had it. I generally take most things with a grain of salt and let it roll off my back. This time all I could think about was the littlest on with hardly any clothing on, the oldest one with his red face. I pulled out the piece of crayoned paper and dialed 911. I felt ridiculous for not calling before.
The dispatcher kept me on the line while the police went to check the scene. She let me go and got my number for the police to call me back for their report. I agreed. I called back Mamacita and with my nerves shot tried to explain the goings on of the night. I apologized for hanging up on her. She of course understood.
While I was talking with her the police called to ask if they could get a statement from me on what I saw. I explained. The officer had mercy on me because I was so upset. He explained that they had the mother in custody and she was being arrested. He was obviously shook up from the experience. He was newer on the force. (that I found out later) I asked about the children. He explained that he could not release any information. I explained the happenings on the night. He felt compelled to tell me that the children were all being taken to the hospital. After about an hour I received another call. The children were all there. The officer had more questions. After begging to know how the kids were he explained what had happened. They approached the scene. She became verbally and then physically abusive to them. They arrested her and took her down. The things that he wanted to know was if I had seen any blood. I asked why. Then thought back and said no. I only saw the 11 year old get yelled at and his face slapped several times. He explained that the 11 year old came rushing out when the mom was arrested. His face was bloodied. The two year old was screaming, the 9 year old was eerily serious, the baby was wheezing, and the 6 year old was terrified. He said that the 11 year old had a broken nose that had just happened. The 9 year old was to himself rocking in a corner. The six year old was covered in bruises and there were apparent burns. The two year old was covered in bruises under his clothing and it was apparent that his left wrist had been broken and never fixed according to the x-rays. The baby had RSV. I stood gaping at the phone and then it started. I couldn’t stop it. I started crying and shaking. I felt a strange amount of guilt that I had waited to call. Someone had to have seen something before me. I felt a overwhelming guilt that the children might get separated. I felt guilt that I had healthy and wonderful children. I felt angry for all the nights I begged God just to give us one child, and then got even angrier when I thought about the five years in prayer for our second child. I can not explain all of the emotions I was feeling.
I do not recall ever thinking about what she might do to me. I don’t remember thinking twice about jumping in her vehicle and watching her children until I was already in the moment. I just know that my heart lead me Wed night. I went to a place I generally never go to, but I needed some mommy time to myself. I myself had been struggling with feeling like a bad mom that day. I felt as if time was flying and I was seeing my children’s childhood fleeting before my eyes. I had had a harsh discussion with HG regarding responsibility. Instead my heart was filled briefly with 5 little boys that I feel were put in my life for a reason.
I am still very emotional about that night. I wonder if the children are ok. I would have kept them much to HH’s dismay. He has always said we would have more children if there were ever children that needed us. They needed us. Oh I hope they are safe and ok. Not knowing is horrible. Yesterday I called the hospital to try to get information. Of course nothing could be released. Today I will be going in person. See if they will deny me then.
I am taking this as a lesson of gratitude. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to be there. I am grateful that she will hopefully get the help she needs. Not that I would want her children returned to her don’t get me wrong. I just hope that this is a wake up call for her. I am grateful that my children are safe, healthy and happy. I a grateful that their mommy could step out of her comfort zone to help another child. I am grateful that I didn’t think and rationalize…..now. But most of all I am grateful that they are receiving help and hopefully on to a better, healthier and loving future.

I am lacking in blog fodder. Not for the lack of my children providing it but for the lack of my brain remembering what they really had to say. SO….I am opening up the floor for questions. Ask me almost anything….I will answer. You have the mike.

Who am I? Lately, I have been hearing that a lot from my friends. It seems as if my group of energetic mommies of newborns have become lethargic mommies of tweens and now wonder if they can run away. I haven’t just heard this once or twice. Has it crossed my mind? A break once in a while…YES but leaving for months at a time, I don’t think I could do it.
What is it that makes moms want to run away join the circus, make a fresh starts, seek greener pastures…etc. when our children and our marriage hit this age. I am curious. I kind of think that it is the day to day responsibility that makes us crack. May be it is the redundancy of those days I don’t know. May be we want to relive our fun years as a teenager and young adult.
Could it be that in becoming a mom the identity of who we were and who we are gets lost in the day to day shuffle of cleaning up and taking care of our families? We greeted motherhood with such zest and energy and then suddenly we are older, and what do we have to show for it? Per my dear friend her answer is that we have a semi clean house and tween agers that hate us and are mouthy.
I am just putting this out there for discussion.