I find it interesting that at every stage of motherhood we all are faced with similar issues and concerns. Even though we come from different backgrounds, religion, upbringings, the phases that we seem to morph through we all seem to have in common.
Observing motherhood and its stages and growing with those people has been a wonderful pleasure for me. I see Spuddy Buddy who is now 15 weeks pregnant and glowing. Then there are those that are struggling with fertility. Seeing them go through those steps to become a mother and then to have their dream fulfilled is amazing. To the extreme where Deb has been recently faced with an empty nest. Both of her boys left within weeks of each other. Then there’s Sugar Mommy, This Mom Blogs, CC Jelly Beans that are all in the trenches with me with potty trained children. And way too many to post that have new babies that haven’t had the time to blog since their every two hour alarm clock came into the world.
Soaking in all of the plethora of information I have gleaned from those who are currently in the trenches or have been in the trenches has been valuable. I mean where else would I have learned that play dough can come out of the dryer with Oxyclean and Clorox. Where else could I have cried and laughed at the joys of motherhood and had others doing the same with me? Somehow this crazy blogging world makes things that are every day struggles less of a struggle and more of an army of women that understand and support each other.
Thank you for sharing your lives with me. It has been a growing and learning experience that I treasure.

Sometimes I wonder if I am afraid of actually succeeding. All throughout my life there has been this pattern of cusping on success and then fizzing out. (minus my children that is) I am mainly talking about things like finishing school and losing weight. May be I’m just burned out from everything.
In the fall I am pursuing school on more than a one class at a time type schedule. I am fearful that I might actually totally finish. Then what? I still have a strong desire to be here for my children. As they get older they will need me more. They will need me to chaperon, be the taxi, cheer at their games…etc. May be I am fearful that I will miss those things if I am working full time.
Losing weight feels like a dauntless job. I exercise but is it ever truly enough. I watch what I eat (generally but not when we go out to dinner) I have zero motivation to push it. I do not work out with anyone that could be the issue. I’m one of those that had a trainer when I was younger due to the fact that I was priming for volleyball scholarships. I have never worked out alone. Anyway my favorite type of work out is in the water. I just need to be able to take the time to do it.
I know a lot of women feel this way especially in this time in their life. Is it that our children consume everything because we are conscientiously raising them or is it just that time management skills are indeed lacking. May be it is a little of both.
I have to finish these things and succeed for myself. I need to not only brink but finish the task for not only my health but for myself. Will power is lacking but hopefully my stubborn nature will kick in.

There are moments in time that Hula Hubby takes my breath away. This is why….
(more…)

I have never made salsa before. Yes, I am a gringo with the taste buds that run for cover when the mild sauce at Taco Bell runs amok. Karen decided to make salsa for our family get together. My father has a gut of steel. I swear you can feed that man anything and he can take it. He may sweat a little but he can take it. Hot food reminds me of the infamous “Kim Che” incident when I was a child. Now that is worth an entry all in itself.
When I was about 9 years old (my sister was we went to Arizona for Christmas. We did this every year because my mom’s family got together there. It was a crazy time of 9 cousins and a swimming pool. We had a blast. I swear we spent our Christmas Eve in the pool opening our Christmas presents. (OK that’s a slight over exaggeration but not by much)
Every four years my aunt who is about 6′5″ and about 300 pounds would come home on furlough from being a missionary in Korea. (Yep she scared Jesus into those people) When she would come home we knew we were faced with the stinkiest ride home EVER. Every time she brought home Kim Chee as a gift to my father. My father’s mouth would start to water in about Albuquerque knowing that it was only another 8 hours of driving before he would be in spicy heaven. We all tremor-ed in fear knowing that we would be living in smelly gas hell.
All week long I would hear, “ROBERT….KNOCK IT OFF!!” and my dad would giggle like he was 8 years old. One time I went in their room in the midst of a dutch oven. Not a pretty sight or smell.
On the way home it was about 9 hours to Albuquerque and then another 8 into Denver. I remember smelling hints of rotten eggs around Flagstaff. “OK what died?” was the question of the hour. It would come in fragrant whiffs. Finally we had to drive with the windows open it was so bad.
In Albuquerque we discovered part of the issue. A small amount of leakage from the Kim Chee container was very evident as I heard my father say “DOG GONE IT” (which for him meant the worst cuss word ever) He gathered up his precious cargo and took it to clean it off and put the container into a Ziploc bag. In the mean time he consumed half of the jar. (much to my mother’s dismay)
The next morning our hotel room smelled like something out of a horror flick. My sister and I slept with the fitful knowledge that rotten eggs existed permanently in our lives. The wallpaper started to peel in the bathroom. The ride home would be a long trip. The waves of nausea would come with the tides of Kim Chee smell. Occasionally we had to stop so that I could hang my head out the window to get sick.
When we got home it was the fastest exit in history. We all fought for the washing machine so that we could get the permeated smell out of everything. The shower was the next popular last stand. My sister actually begged to shower with me. (that was a first since we were like 5)
The infamous year reminded me of the salsa making and the effects this gift will have on my father. He will be in his glory. My mother will scowl and slip him some Beano in his dinner. At least I don’t live there anymore!

This morning I left my house about 8:30 am to go and pick up KAREN from MY LIFE at the airport. We are going to what I so lovingly call “FARTSARIA” this afternoon. (it’s really Casa Bonita but…it’s mexican food…you get the picture) Friday we’re going to be movie freaks and have a great time.
Here’s to keeping her from enjoying my bathroom too much (she digs my toilet!!) and having a great time just being together!! Will keep you posted on what we do.

The last day of school was today!!!! It’s been an hour since their release. I’m bored. (for saying that does that mean I get to go to time out in my room??)

**WARNING** THIS IS NOT A NORMAL ENTRY FOR ME. I AM MERELY SORTING OUT MY OWN FEELINGS ON THIS MATTER. I NEED A PLACE TO DO IT AND I AM DOING IT HERE.

I have been going through a “trial” per say with a friend. He has sole custody of his son. The mother of his son is seeing her son two days a week through supervised visitation only. It has been a terrible situation.
Three years ago they met on line. There was an instant attraction. They met and fell madly in love. Just weeks after meeting she moved into his home. A few months later he was shocked when a man showed up at his door with three children asking when his wife was coming home. He asked her to move out because of the obvious. It was at that point that she told him she was pregnant. Feeling very trapped he decided to let her stay. They discussed everything from adoption to abortion. He is 36 years old and never been married. Discussing abortion was appalling to him because this was his one chance to be a father. They decided on an abortion because things were not going well between them and he did not want to marry her at that point.
The day of the doctor’s appointment she had the “abortion”. Amazingly enough 3 months later she was still pregnant. The “gentle” abortion had not taken. She was in fact due in October. Trying to work things through she filed for a divorce from her first husband, left her children to start a new life. Her ex husband ran as fast as he could to Canada. According to him and her family (minus her father) she is a psycho case and needed her head examined. She was therapy wise though. This was going to be an uphill battle.
After giving birth to their son they still worked through their problems until their son was 6 months old. They got into a heated argument where my friend called 911 to protect himself from her. He needed help. The first officer on the scene saw her to be emotionally shaken with their baby in tow. When she re-emerged from his home (he was outside with the other officer) she came out with bruising and her suitcases packed. She played it off as he beat her. He was arrested on the spot. She having no place to go stayed in his home until he was released and then she fled. After a week of not being able to locate her she was found 30 miles away being sheltered by church members. Immediately he began proceedings to see his son.
Last year he was awarded sole custody of his son (even with criminal charges pending and his mother dying) with her being able to have supervised visitation only 4 hours a week. It was suggested that she threatened the child advocate. Their son was removed from her in an emergency setting. Later he went on to the criminal case where a jury found him “not guilty” within a matter of minutes claiming that they felt she did in fact self inflict.
She went on to get a new boyfriend and canceled weekend visitation because it interfered with her weekend activities. (this being said in court and not a biased opinion) Also she could not afford to see him. The cost of supervised visits were too great for her. $100 a week. (personally I would have gone into hawk before I canceled anything but I am me and she is who she is)
In the meantime she connected back up with her children. They had been through therapy because of the circumstances of her “abandoning” them. She also went to go get her things out of storage two times out of storage NEVER did stop and see her three children. She was within 15 minutes of them. She never bothered to stop.
Last month she again took him to court to try to get full custody. (there should be a law against taking someone to court 3 times in one year for the same thing) She is not even out of therapy or supervised visits. He has had full custody for almost two years of little guys 21/2 year life. Why would the courts move a child at this point? Last month I went to observe the hearing. The courts decided that it was time for her to move from supervised to monitored and then to unsupervised with a Parenting Coordinator. Of course this sent D (the father) almost to the brink of insanity. See, she has a big problem. She has been diagnosed as antisocial narcissistic. This is very serious. When she could not see her children the times she went to Canada it was because her boyfriend did not want to stop and she had to get back for work. Um…ok. She puts blame on everyone else but herself. She herself is always blameless. Her mother being a therapist warned the courts of this quality as well. HER OWN MOTHER! She also wants to appear as the good guy. This fight is not about the baby. This fight is about her need to be shown in a good light. If it were about the baby she would gather up her other three children, and then fight for her son.
This being said she does not make any attempt except calling her children once or twice a month. Yet she doesn’t miss her visitation. She told her daughter that it was because he was a boy and she was a girl. The truth hurts I guess.
Little guy is in the best day care there is in the city. He is loved and provided for. His father has spent over 100,000 trying to keep his son and tomorrow a decision will be made by someone in the court system that has talked with both parents two times now. He is more than likely going to reverse everything and move forward with 50/50 custody.
Since going through this D has been hammered by the visitation center. (I was privy to those conversations and was shocked at how they treated him) The women at the center are angry because they have gotten to “know” her. Poor her. He has been told that he would pay for her therapy. (now how on God’s green earth is that right?) He drives 40 miles two days a week so she would not be put out and can see her son. He also receives 600 a month for child support of which had to be garnished from her wages because she would not pay until her daddy bailed her out and did a lump sum. This only partially covers the 1,000 a month he pays for day care. He has paid over 100,000 for the 5 court hearings and one criminal trial. He was told to pay her lawyer fees even though she lost in court. Where is the justice for him and his son? I am ticked. Why would the courts intentionally put a child back into a known bad situation? And one is to wonder why people leave our country and take their children? (obviously this won’t be happening but it does make me wonder)
How is that right? Especially at this point. I mean I understand that she has a right to her child really I do. I am an advocate for women. This is bothersome to me. I keep having nightmares of the woman she sent her children into the lake or the one that drowned her children in the bath tub.
I love N. He is a wonderful, intelligent child. He is a joy. I hate to see what this will do to him as time goes on. I hate the thought of him being ruined in any way.
What is in the best interest of N? It you were to look on the surface one would think 50/50 with her as primary. If you know the rest of the story and observe the hatred you know that they will never have a co parenting relationship. There will never be resolution. Yes, N does need to get to know his mother. Yes, N does need a mother figure in his life especially when his loving grandmother recently passed away with breast cancer.
Yet I ask myself again, what is in the best interest of N? I wish I knew. I know that this stressful life he has come to know is not in his best interest. I know that the insanity has got to stop somewhere but when will that be? The answer….never. Not as long as the court system switches judges every single time they go in. (which is about every three months) I understand fighting for your child and I give her credit for that but should not the battle be fought by first taking advantage of the time the court has given a person?
This has never been about N. At least where she is concerned. This has been about revenge. He made her look bad and embarrassed her by having the police come to her church and physically take the baby from her arms. (I can not even imagine that experience) The courts have observed her as a bad mother and she’s out to prove them wrong. She is not to blame for this of course. Her choices are not her choices. They all relate back to her past and how haunted that was.
But the question still remains…what about N?

I feel as if Spring Fever has hit every single child in the neighborhood. They all seem to migrate to my house and then bicker like birds fighting over a nest. I swear I’ve had to send home more children in the last 2 days than in the whole 9 years we have lived here. Normally I am patient and fun, but the “girl’s club” or as I like to call them the “know it all tweeners” have been extremely hormonal.
OH MY realization just hit….they could be getting hormonal. I was that age when I had the rush. *runs and grabs Hula Girl and frantically tries to hold on to her childhood for her.

Beauty products and I are not getting along lately. I am beginning to think that I should just leave it to the professionals. First the wax on wax off…skin off, now the spray tan that ran amuck.
Yesterday I decided to try to do a spray tan so that by the time we go to Croatia I am nice and fake brown. I know I know it’s vanity but in my defense I am very fair skinned and want to at least look like the sun has kissed me without the cancer ramifications.
The directions again looked simple. Shake can, spray but avoid heavy application on the knees and ankles. DONE. I could do this. It also instructed me to not do anything until it was dry. No problem there.
Last night my husband kept complaining that the bed smelled like tacos. I did not have gas and the dog was not in the room. He smells like rotten eggs when he toots so it was not that. Then it occurred to me that it might be the fake and bake I had so professionally applied to my legs. I did not tell him that I just made him think that he was passing gas in his sleep. (tee hee!!)
Anyway this morning I woke up and I was a sight! My legs were so streaky. My ankles were nicely brown and so were my knees. The rest of my legs had a zebra stripe in brown going on. Thank heavens we weren’t going to the zoo today or anything outdoorsy because I would have been embarrassed by my stripy self.
I think I have come to grips with the fact that I am beauty challenged. *sigh I have my gifts just not in the beauty area!

In only one month from today we will be starting our journey across the pond. I am already packing to make sure that we do not forgot anything. Yes I am a bit of a nut but if I do not start now I will not feel prepared.
Our first leg of the trip we will be flying into Tallinn, Estonia. We will stay there for two days with HH’s sister and family. (no it will not be winter but it’s the only picture I have) We will take a ferry across to Helsinki to stay the rest of the week with them at their home. After that we hop a flight to Brussels and then onto Zagreb, Croatia. We will drive up to Bosnia to stay with friends in their home there. Then go back to Croatia to enjoy the seaside in Croatia We will pry ourselves away from the beach to enjoy the company of his other sister and family“. We will be in Paris for 5 wonderful days. We will catch up with the growth of the kiddos since the last time we saw them. We will then take the train to Brussels and stay there for a few days before we head home.
I am starting to get really excited. Nervous about flying with the whole family but excited about seeing a new country and visiting friends and family.