Someone asked me the other day what they really needed when they packed their bags for the hospital when having a baby. Considering with our first one we forgot the bag completely I knew the difference between being prepared and not prepared. The lists people have go on and on so you tend to bring everything but the kitchen sink. A simple list is really all that’s needed to go to the hospital in a pinch.
1. A loose fitting outfit to wear holme - this is just in case you end up with a c section. Never fun to wear tight stuff home with an incision.
2. An outfit, a few diapers, wipes and a blanket for the baby. If you are nursing then don’t worry about a bottle. If you aren’t nursing then a bottle with formula. Enough for one may be two feedings. Don’t pack like I did and have enough to feed the nursery!
3. If you must bring a curling iron, blow dryer and limited makeup then go for it. Definately a brush.
4. If you are doing concentration points then bring the object you are focusing on.
5. Music if you want it. CD
6. Something to do while you wait in labor.

Bring as little as you possibly can. Here’s the reason. The more you have the more responsible you have to be for your things. Why not have more fun consentrating on the baby?

I have recently starting to make house calls for lactation consulting. I will never forget my first in home visit.
I went to go see a new mom of triplets. Yes, I said triplets. She was determined to nurse her babies. Good for her! They had been home for 2 days when she called the help line. The help line called me. I raced to go see her.
When I got to the home the grandmother answered. She looked like most new moms do. Although, I walked into a very well organized, modern, sleek, gorgeous home. My first though was, “OOOHHH that glass table with stainless steel rods that are connected to a beautiful cherry wood coffee table is HISTORY.” “The white carpet is going to go down for the count.” When I met the mom of the triplets she was a stunning drop dead gorgeous, didn’t look like she had ever been pregnant except for a faint hint of bags under her piercing blue eyes. Immediately I wanted to just throw her out the window. I resisted.
She explained that she was having trouble getting the triplets on a schedule. Two of them were not latching properly and she was getting sore. The third one ate like a champ and she was concerned that the other two were going to be the runts of the pack.
We went through several methods to get the babies to attach. We also found a way to feed two at a time. The babies enjoyed the closeness of each other as well as mom. It all worked out in the end.
I dare say that looking at my pregnancy before pictures and the after labor and eventually c section shots looked nothing like Mrs. Perfection. When asked, Mrs. Perfection fessed up to her fountain of youth…..her mother. Her mother had been doing the night shift for the two days. Then I didn’t feel so bad.

A woman at church interviewed me about 3 months ago and wanted to consider me as her doula. (training of course…I still have my two studies to write up) I followed up with her many times to see if she had made a decision. She told me that her boyfriend (they have been together for 7 years but are currently broken up) was not comfortable with a doula. Ok…no problem. Some people are not comfortable with another person in the room.
On Friday she went into labor. From what I understand it was a difficult time. After all was said and done she nearly died and….her baby…her son died in childbirth.
I really don’t know where to go from here with this post. I cannot imagine the pain she must feel. I went to go see her today (because she was not accepting visitors Friday or Saturday) and my heart just went out to her.
Her boyfriend met me in the hall. When he saw me he sought out my arms to comfort him. He was so opposed to me being there yet he knew that my heart went out to him and E. He sobbed like he was a child. I could tell his heart was just broken into pieces. He was relieved when he saw mewhich was strange. It was like he knew he had to be strong for her yet he knew he could let his guard down with me.
When I walked into her room she was hysterically crying because they were trying to get her to make a decision on the remains. I could tell that she herself was drugged and not in the reality of the moment. When she saw me she tried to “suck it up” but ended up just melting down. I wound up sitting next to her in her bed and she laid her head in my arms. All she could manage to say was, “If you would have been here I know this would not have happened. ” and “My arms are empty. How can anything mean anything if my arms are empty?” Honestly, I did not know what to say.
Because I am not related obviously they won’t tell me what happened. I cannot bring myself to ask her how this could have happened.
Life is so so fragile. Being here in the states the mortality rate is so different in comparison too some parts of the world. With all of the equipment and technology they still could not save this little baby boy’s life. Most of the time there is a happy ending. The line between life and death is so fragile when a woman gives birth. The miracle is so wonderful yet it is a major event to the body of a woman. We never think that it can happen to us or near us. Reality is…there is not always a happy ending.

My condolences to E and her family. Your loss is so great and felt by all of us. Please know that our prayers are with you at this time.

I was talking with a prospective doula client the other day. I need to do a “clinical” and attend two births and write about them. We have been talking since about week one of them finding out they were pregnant. She is super organized and wants her ducks in a row.
We were discussing about her plan for the home birth she wants to do. Her husband is really wanting her to do a hospital birth. To me it does not matter where she wants to do it. If she’s comfortable at home then that would be fine. He has been very strong about it.
Yesterday she called me in tears. I honestly did not know what to say. She is now 7 months along and he has not changed his idea of a hospital birth. She feels railroaded into using the hospital.
Honestly, I have no idea how to approach this situation. Obviously it is not my place to interfere. His concern is that the insurance won’t pay for a home birth. She did her homework to find that in fact they would be very happy that she do a home birth. (hospital stay…zip…kkkaaaccchhhinnng) Personally, I think his hang up is that he wants her to be safe and in a “controlled” environment.
I’m stumped. I listened…I spoke words of encouragement. Obviously, he has not learned the rules of engagement when it comes to a pregnant woman. I can see both of their points. I’m stumped.

I had an interesting question in my in box this morning. Someone asked why I wanted to become a doula. What was it that drove me to think that it was what I wanted to do. Quite frankly the answer is simple. I enjoyed the moment of birth. I lived to see the second the baby was placed safe and sound in their mother’s arms. Also, my labors were so different and difficult that I know I could have used a doula for encouragement.
When I was pregnant with HG I had never felt so alive. At that point in time I had already witnessed 20 some odd births. The pregnancy was a breeze until the last month. I wish I could have been like some that labor started and boom less than 24 hours a baby was born. I was not destined to have those kind of labors. The last month of my pregnancy, I went to the hospital several times not knowing if the pains I was feeling was in fact labor. They were labor pains but my body and HG were not willing to cooperate.
In July they induced me after being in labor for 36 hours already I was worn out. I did not know what else to do. The next day early in the morning after 12 hours without an epidural they decided that I needed a c section.
With HB they decided to do a c section because I had some issues with keeping him inside as well. My children were always anxious to get here but not on the day that they were told they were to come. Stubborn. I think they got that from their father!
I think I would have benefited from a doula because I think I would have made different choices. Not really understanding my situation and my options I think I would have recognized earlier that HG was not going to come by regular means. She was indeed stuck. I did not have anyone really telling me what I needed to hear instead of what I wanted to hear. I think with support I could have endured the labor pains a little easier instead of swearing at my prudish mother. For those reasons as well I think that helping women and supporting them is now my passion.
With the labors I have witnessed I have enjoyed keeping everyone calm. I don’t know, may be it is the commanding way I tell them that they will in fact not die but soon be rewarded with a new little life. I have enjoyed watching the miracle of two people that come together to make one little person. There is nothing like that feeling. I would not trade it for the world.

I have been doing a lot of reading for the beginning to the end of my certification. I have enjoyed this somewhat arduous journey. I know that one day I will look back on this and think to myself….IT WAS REALLY WORTH IT!
I never knew there were so many books on lactation. I mean it is a well developed subject. It is almost like they have dissected it from beginning to end and everything in between. I know that breastfeeding is of course a great kick off for a baby and it is cheap! I mean…free is better than paying big bucks no whammies for formula.
Yes, at the beginning the first time feeding a baby can be like nails on a chalkboard painful. If the latch isn’t right you can get blisters…etc. To me though after getting through those first days after that it was so worth it. After paying $60.00/month is diapers not having another $60.00 a month in formula was a big relief.
I know at times I felt run down because it was not hubby getting up 3 - 5 times a night. It was me. I sometimes wonder if PP isn’t caused somewhat by the sleep deprivation that is so prevalent in the first month. Ok, so there might be a few hormones involved, but mixing hormones with tiredness is a recipe for emotional, and a little nutty.
Anyway this has been a great learning experience for me. I have enjoyed the books and the opinions of many great writers and people in the field. It just makes me more and more excited to think that I am halfway there.

The most common question I get as I continue on my educational quest to become a Doula is, “Do you think I need to have a doula attend the birth?” I find that a little shocking due to the fact that having a doula is something so personal that it’s not something someone else can answer. It is an individual preference.
Do I think that a doula is a good addition to the birth experience? Of course I say yes. I feel that having a doula present can be a calming buffer between the activity of the doctors and nurses and help the partners focus strictly on what they came to do. For those seeking a non medicated birth it is not a guarantee that things will go so smooth and you will not need medication. It is strictly a help to get you through to the other side of the the experience in a calm and nurturing way. I have found that some when hiring a doula have a preconceived notion that their birth will be this painless experience without medication and all will go accoring to their birth planl. A birth plan is there to help give guidance to what a woman wants and needs. If something should go wrong the birth plan quite frankly goes out the window to ensure that the mother and baby are healthy.
A healthy baby to me is the goal in the end. Every baby born is a unique story in itself. So having a doula or not is really up to the ones involved. If the mother is uncomfortable with another person being in the room it may not be the way to go. Yet if the mother is looking for an experience where she has another person in her corner cheering her on so to speak then a doula is definately something worth looking into.
Thank you for your private question. (you know who you are) I hope this has helped.

I find it interesting that at every stage of motherhood we all are faced with similar issues and concerns. Even though we come from different backgrounds, religion, upbringings, the phases that we seem to morph through we all seem to have in common.
Observing motherhood and its stages and growing with those people has been a wonderful pleasure for me. I see Spuddy Buddy who is now 15 weeks pregnant and glowing. Then there are those that are struggling with fertility. Seeing them go through those steps to become a mother and then to have their dream fulfilled is amazing. To the extreme where Deb has been recently faced with an empty nest. Both of her boys left within weeks of each other. Then there’s Sugar Mommy, This Mom Blogs, CC Jelly Beans that are all in the trenches with me with potty trained children. And way too many to post that have new babies that haven’t had the time to blog since their every two hour alarm clock came into the world.
Soaking in all of the plethora of information I have gleaned from those who are currently in the trenches or have been in the trenches has been valuable. I mean where else would I have learned that play dough can come out of the dryer with Oxyclean and Clorox. Where else could I have cried and laughed at the joys of motherhood and had others doing the same with me? Somehow this crazy blogging world makes things that are every day struggles less of a struggle and more of an army of women that understand and support each other.
Thank you for sharing your lives with me. It has been a growing and learning experience that I treasure.

The next few months we will determine what we want to do for Hula Boy next year. The debate is on whether we put him in a two day preschool, three day preschool or no preschool. I don’t know how I feel about it yet. Our decision is being based on the fact that I want to finish, not dink and dunk at school. I really want to finish and start helping other women. On the other hand HB is almost 4 and should be starting at least a small half day program. He’s anxious to be at school. He is learning every day here at home but I think he’s ready to move beyond. He’s a social butterfly. He loves other children. He wants to be around kids every day. Play play play is his motto.
On the other hand I feel bad because even though I am ready I keep wondering if he’s really ready. I want him to stay my baby forever. Yet every day I see him blossoming into a wonderful little (big) boy. He has a zest and love for life that would capture the heart of even the coldest person. He has a smile that would melt a heart. He has eyes sparkle with mischief and life. I know that when he goes to school we run the chance of losing that. OK I know I’m being a little overprotective and nutty but he is my last baby. Wow I said it (in a writing kind of way) he is my last baby.
After being at home for now 11 years (where did the time go?) I keep wondering if the plight of the last 10 1/2 years was to prepare me for this decision and time. I know that seems a bit over the top but it really is not. Ten in a half years ago the road was being paved by a hard decision to quit work and have my 93 and 94 year old grandparents move in with us. I quit work to take care of them. After a year of infertility I found out I was pregnant with Hula Girl. Care taking for them was a gift that prepared me for the next phase in life, being a mother. When Hula Girl came my grandparents were dying and eventually did pass away. We made the decision for me to stay home with Hula Girl. At four she was very ready for school. So we put her into school with the intention for me to work part time. Through that experience I attended seven births of friends that wanted me to be with them. Through those experiences I discovered that this was what I wanted to do. Right after this discovery we found out we were pregnant with Hula Boy. Plans took the back seat until this last year to pursue school. Now I am facing the two facts that #1 Hula Boy is my last baby and #2 Now that he is old enough to start school will I can commit to school. That way I will be done by January of next year.
The fork in the road is fast approaching. Now where to go is the next question.

Does anyone know of a study that discusses how in some cases a family member (namely grandparents) can cause tension in a labor room? I had this question posed to me and need a bit of help with researching this. I know from being at several births that mother’s of the mother to be can sometimes over hen and cause stress and slow down labor.
Just throwing this out there for discussion. If you know any research on this, please share.