The first day of school always gives me the jitters. It does not seem to bother the kids, but I get nervous for them. I wonder as they walk out the door if the kids will be nice to them? Will they get picked on? Will they be responsible for their work enough so that I can help them but not have to constantly be on them. Will they make good choices with friends? The list goes on and on.
I feel as if I am a little overboard with the reaction I feel. Silly thing is that they adapt well, it’s me. Ever since we left our old school it has been a time of adjustment.
Something to ponder

Why do my flowers haunt me so? I need them fixed and I can’t figure it out. GGRR

The great balancing act between working and being with the children is sometimes too much for me. I get very overwhelmed and frustrated.
I remember hearing all the time that it was easier to go to work than to stay home with the kids. I think both ways have their pros and cons. For me though my heart is with my children.
Even though my children are in school now I don’t get to go to all of their parties and all the things I use to do. My house generally looks like a bomb exploded and left toys in its wake. The kids pick up at night but I get frustrated that my time with them gets sucked up by trying to get things picked up.
I guess I am not a mother that is a work outside the home kind of mother. If I had to be then I think it would be easier to buck up and put on my big girl panties and just deal with it.
I enjoy my business. I enjoy my work. The balancing one for the other is not sitting well with me. Some days I feel as if I will never adapt to this new phase of life.
Just a bit of whining this morning. Heading out to teach again today.

Mama Jenna was wondering what was on my spring cleaning game plan. I have a simple answer….nothing. I don’t have a game plan. In the past I have always had my list of things that were to be done but this year with working so much I haven’t even thought about it.
Guess I’ll just live in my filthy mess for a while until I get motivated. I started swimming yesterday. Doesn’t that count for some something? Alright alright I’ll get on it.

How is it that laundry seems to multiply over night. I swear it is as bad as rabbits!!

I was sad today to learn that Corey Haim had died. I know it seems funny that I of all people would mention him, but actually he was my second crush as a teen.
Being that I was an innocent young girl of 17 when “The Lost Boys” came out I was not allowed to go to the movie at that time. My parents did not believe in TV or movies so we did not have the distraction of either one. “The Lost Boys” was the second movie I saw in my life. I snuck out to see it. (My first being Footloose and how that played into my life is another story for another day!)
I was watching as Corey Feldman was talking about Haim on TV and he said something that was interesting to me. He said, “We should all just grow up. He had nothing and no one to turn to and no one extended a hand.” I find these words so very interesting.
Hollywood seems so far out of touch for the average person. If I were to approach a star for the mere fact of saying hello most would walk by. Why? I am average. (not in my own mind though!!) Hollywood is so exterior that I think either they would freak out that an overweight middle age woman approached and said hello. If you know me then you know that my heart is a big heart for anyone. Yet I doubt that most in Hollywood would give me the time of day.
That being said I must admit I was one of Haim’s fans. His dashing eyes and quick wit I enjoyed watching on TV and the movies. He had a gift for dressing in the most interesting things and making them work for him. He had a smile that I could see lighting up a room. I simply enjoyed him. I am sorry that he did not find his peace here on this earth. I only pray that his tortured soul finds peace at last in his death.
Knowing that this memorial is simply mine I don’t expect that Corey Feldman will ever read this and know Corey Haim still had a big fan that reveled in the fact that he was trying to make a come back. No, I may not be Hollywood, but I am a simple fan that is sad at the news of Corey Haim’s death.

I remember looking in her eyes and seeing the possibilities. I saw our little miracle. Our baby. She was not suppose to happen. Science and doctors said that our chance of having a successful pregnancy was about 20%. I remember looking at her and knowing that doctors only knew part of the equation and then there’s God.
Watching her grow up I have been so proud of her. She is such a light. She has always been my little girl.
We have noticed her changing. She has been changing and becoming her own person. Now at almost 13 she is blossoming into a beautiful young lady.
I know that in reaching this step in a girl’s life where they walk the path towards womanhood that we will have more times where we may not always see eye to eye. Last night reminded me that no matter where she is in her life that she will always need me. She needs me to help her understand and guide her through the changes in her life, her body, her spirit.
We as mothers do not discuss this. It is like the forbidden off subject. This responsibility seems so overwhelming. How is it that I can help guide a woman in having a baby and how to nurse them and care for them, but when it comes to my own I have such mixed emotions on her growing up.
The reality that she is growing up and taking her steps towards womanhood is a bit overwhelming right now. I know the path she is on because I have traveled it. Her detours will be different but the biological path is the same. I only pray that I can help make this transition as easy as possible on her.

What do you get when you have a 7 year old hyped up on Hershey Kisses from a Valentine’s Day party and combo that with a sensitive tween sister and what do you get????
A LOT OF CHAOS.
Yesterday HB came home with mounds of candy from his Valentine’s Day Party. He was overly happy because there is a particular little girl in his class that he likes. She gave him the most candy EVER! He of course had to sample every piece. He was a bit hyper last night.
The increased hyperness had it’s own advantage though. He crashed at about 8:00 without having to be asked. We missed reading time but he was down for the count.
Oh first crushes. He was trying to impress this little girl by eating all of her candy. He in fact made himself SICK. What little boys do to impress little girls.

Setting up the new year creates organization and chaos combined. Between paying taxes and that deadline and looking at traveling again this next year to Brussels, Croatia, Germany Denmark and France it takes a bite out of the budget.
Two years ago we were able to do a month in Eastern Block Europe for around 8,000.00. That in itself is unheard of, BUT we stayed with family in some places and we also used our point from different places that helped with Hotel.
This year is going to be a bit different. We are not staying with family but for the first 4 days. The rest is spent in hotels. We will see where the buck lies after the dust settles.
I love and hate planning trips.

When I was a child we went to Arizona every year for Christmas. I remember thinking that the whole “White Christmas” did not really exist. We saw Christmas as Palm trees, 70 degree weather, fresh oranges and grapefruit off the trees and Santa came in through the front door.
When I was about 17 we stopped going to Arizona and had to develop our own sense of Christmas. I did not think we could ever get close to the magic I felt every year with everyone around. I was wrong.
This year we have snow on the ground still (about 6 inches in the backyard left over from the snow storm a week ago) and we just brought in our Christmas Tree this last weekend. With the knowledge that my house will be a rat race starting tomorrow getting ready for Thursday I am actually at peace wtih that. I think we have finally arrived at the utopia I had when I was a child. Now my children get to reap the benefit.